22 signs you're in a hardcore cyclist's house

1. Christmas is a training block, not a festive holiday
2. The garage or shed is reserved for bikes and related activities; the ‘bike bedroom’ if you will
3. The value of the bikes and kit in the garage or shed exceeds the value of everything else in the house combined, and we mean everything else; furniture, electronic goods, jewellery and the clothes of all family members.
4. The garage or shed in winter hosts a permanent turbo trainer set-up that nobody would dare take down or even request it be put aside when not in use
5. Cycling gets priority in the TV room; no exceptions
6. You ask for sugar for your tea and they have none (anywhere in the house)
7. You ask for sugar for your tea and they glance at each other with furrowed brow (clearly uncomfortable and let down by your life choices of slot and debauchery)
8. St Patrick’s Day is an opportunity for a ‘Sunday race’ on a week day, not the national holiday
9. Cycling gear gets priority in the washing; other ‘civilian’ clothing must wait its turn
10. Meal times are planned around training and racing
11. Shopping lists and meal choices are dictated by the demands of racing or training at that particular time of year
12. Easter is the biggest weekend of racing in the year, not a religious holiday
13. Expectations of doing anything family-related (that doesn’t involve cycling) from spring through most of the summer are absolutely nil
14. Expectations of doing anything family-related (that doesn’t involve cycling) during winter are only slightly higher than nil
15. There are not four seasons there are only two; ‘The Season’ and ‘The Winter’
16. There are very few, if any, books in the house that aren’t about cycling or getting the best out of yourself mentally and physically
17. A diary contains a record of training, not one’s inner thoughts or times and places for meetings and ‘civilian’ events
18. The announcement of a summer date for a family wedding is greeted like a bereavement
19. There has never been a proper family holiday in summer; not one that all family members have gone on for the full trip (unless the cyclists in the house are long-term injured or serving some kind of ban from competition)
20. The summer holiday often involves going to the World Road Championships in late September or other major foreign race or sportive and ‘letting’ a spouse and possibly children go too
21. Suitability for going to bike racing is the main – and often only – criteria for choosing a new car
22. A moped is a training aid, not a mode of transport