9 things Sean Kelly is guaranteed to say during Milan-San Remo
Sean Kelly's commentary is legendary. He has some quality one-liners and you're going to hear every single one of them during Milan-San Remo.
By Brian Canty
Milan-San Remo is front and centre this weekend in the world of pro cycling. If you’re feeling fragile after St Patrick’s Day you have the perfect antidote in the first monument of the year on TV.
Sean Kelly will once again be in the commentary box informing us that the break has no chance.
The great one will be telling Sagan will win by a couple of bike lengths and that in 1992 he just wanted it more than Moreno Argentin.
He never minces his words, Kelly, and he rarely changes them either.
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Here's 9 things he’s absolutely guaranteed to say throughout the course of the race.
“In the next number of kilometres”…
In what scenario? This one is likely to get an airing around the time the riders head for the penultimate climb of the day – the Cipressa.
The race will be down to 70 or 80 guys going over the top of it. But on the approach to it, Kelly will say something along the lines of “in the next number of kilometres we’re going to see who’s strong and who’s not”.
After descending that one, Kelly will then assess who’s left in the field and he’ll start name-checking half a dozen guys who might win.
“Make the calculation”
In what scenario? So, heading for the final climb (the Poggio) there will be a string of searing attacks – but none from eventual (possible - Ed) winner Peter Sagan.
The Slovak will wait until the race regroups on the approach to San Remo and do his thing.
But a few guys will get away a couple of kilometres before the top of the Poggio and pull out a gap.
Kelly will say that Sagan needs to “make the calculation” as to when he must step on the gas so the guys up ahead don’t get too far clear…
“On the rivet (as they say)”
So, whoever goes down the descent of the Poggio (at a ridiculous speed) isn’t far from home and knows he needs to give it his all to win.
Kelly will say he’s “on the rivet”, which means the rivet of his saddle.
And nobody knows what this feels like better than the man from Carrick. He famously descended the climb in 1992 to catch the aforementioned Argentin en route to his last major win.
“If you're feeling good”
Long before the final, Kelly and Rob Hatch will be thrashing out all kinds of eventualities.
Hatch will tee Kelly up with a few different scenarios like ‘why should you go in the break’ and ‘where in the bunch do you ride’.
Kelly’s dulcet tone will preface any explanation with “if you’re feeling good….”
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“Tour of France”
This is an absolute banker and is one of the most commonly used Kellyisms.
Riders will be dissected with a fine-tooth comb tomorrow and how their form is shaping up for the Tour of France.
Of course, that race is months away yet. But for the wider cycling public, it’s the only race that counts.
And Hatch does a sterling job of bringing the sport to this wider audience.
If a 'big' name has a bad day Kelly will wonder how he can get himself on track for the Tour of France.
If a guy has a great day, Kelly will say he should be excited for what he can do at the Tour of France.
“Long ways off”
He could say this for any number of reasons. He’ll say a rider trying to bridge to a break is a long ways off.
Or he can say a rider’s form is a long ways off what it was this time last year.
He’ll use the line to say the finish is a long ways off if someone attacks at 50k to go.
And when someone tries to go toe-to-toe with Sagan in the sprint they’re a long ways off too.
He's a hard man to get respect off sometimes.
“Dangerman”
Kelly loves the snipers in the bunch. He fawns over the guys you can’t write off and the guys there in the final without any teammates. He calls them the dangermen.
The term dangerman probably won’t get used much on a day like tomorrow, or at least not until the final kilometres when the final shake-up happens.
Riders like Arnaud Demare, Ben Swift, Magnus Cort and Sonny Colbrelli will fall into the dangerman category.
“Lost a lot of time”
For some, the day will end in unfortunate circumstances and that means either crash or just not feeling 100%.
Last year, Philippe Gilbert crashed descending and “lost a lot of time” and it’ll be the same tomorrow.
The day will only go close to perfect for a minority, and badly for most.
So expect to hear Kelly roll out one of his favourites’ “he lost a lot of time in that crash”. “He lost a lot of time on the climb”. And so on.
“Really, really (push on)”
In Kelly’s world it’s about going hard, really hard, or really, really hard!
If a rider wants to get in the break he has to go really hard.
And if he wants to win the race from that break he has to attack and really, really push on.
We’ll be treated to an overuse of the world “really”. It’s a really, really long day. It’s a really, really tough race. If he wants to win he really has to push on now.
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