Stickybottle

9 ready-made excuses for any poor cycling performance

Posted on: December 30th, 2018

Don’t worry if you’ve put in a brutal ride. Stickybottle has 9 great excuses to save your blushes. You can use these for races, sportives or winter training. A tweak will make them fit any situation!

 

Perfect excuses for your poor cycling performance

 

The new racing and sportive season may be some way off, but it’s never too late to get your excuses for poor cycling ready.

Indeed, with winter training now at full tilt, you may be reaching for these sooner than you think.

We can guarantee most people have used some (or all) at some point, especially when explaining to friends and family who have no clue about cycling.

We’ve a few beauties in here but let us know if you have any more. Cycling is a sport of truth – said nobody ever!

 

1. “I was caught behind a crash”

What you really meant was: “The crash put me out of my misery”

 

2. “I missed the split”

What you really meant was: “I was so far down the back that when the elastic snapped and the peloton was split in two I was mercifully spared a hammering by being in the third group.”

 

3. “I didn’t see the move go”

What you really meant was: “I was a mile off the pace today and spent the first hour hanging on for dear life waiting for a break to go. Things were nice and easy then when it went and we only lost 12 minutes.”

 

4. “I didn’t think the break would stay away”

What you really meant was: “I was feeling okay but when the move went I thought ‘someone’ would chase but they never did.”

 

5. “I haven’t trained all week”

What you really meant was: “I’m massively under prepared, so I’m giving myself an excuse to DNF right here, right now.”

 

6. “This is just training for me”

What you really meant was:  “I totally don’t care how I do…but if I happen to win it proves I’m unbelievable. If not, I’m still amazing for showing up.”

 

7. “The move that stuck is the one I wasn’t in.”

What you really meant was: “I had no more bullets in the chamber.”

 

8. “The course was too easy.”

What you really meant was: “I train on hills only so I’ve no chance in a flat race.”

 

9. “I’ve had a cold all week”

What you really meant was: “I’m slow and unfit.”

 

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